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Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Jakarta
OIts been a while since the last time I actually did any writing. Hmm. how come this font is different? Didn't change anything though.
On 23rd for July at 6pm right before I stepped out the door - I was informed that I was to be in Indonesia on Monday. Boy was I pissed. And then after talking my parents, they were not happy about me being a single travelling to such place. Anyways... phone call to both the dick head and the head of the dept - turned out to be negative and both giving the same crap answer.
And the worse part of all dickhead only called at 10pm on sunday when he had friday nite and sat full day and sunday full day to call me. That shows what a dickhead he is. He doesn't deserve to walk on planet earth as a human being.
Anyways, on monday I flew to Jakarta. They had a car waiting for me so all I had to do was to go to the taxi counter and look for my name. The taxi - the infamous one apparenlyt is called Silver bird. Seems like everyone keep telling me I should always take Silver Bird. Maybe its for safety and also that they won't con you hahaha. Maybe!
Training was duts. Nothing to gain. Waste of blinking time.
But.... one relevation during this trip was that Jakarta had better malls then here!!!!!! I went to Taman Anggerik mall and Plaza Senayan and also Plaza Senanggi - oh boy!!!!! I guess the people there if they are rich they are mighty rich. They all the branded stuff..... like nine west and althete foot. when you first look at it, it would seem like you're either overseas in some american mall or.... singapore mall.. minus the crowd of course. Cheezeeee... malaysia kalah teruk lah.....
I found a new craft too called pin art.. cool!!! i bought 2 back. obviously at the immigration I was asked to open my bag to be checked coz all the pins rite? They think I might bringing it to the plane and poke people. DUH.. checking in the bag lah!!!!
Thats all for now....
job front.. currently one still sucks but merdeka soon... as for the new one.... hopefully... the decision to be made is the right one....
On 23rd for July at 6pm right before I stepped out the door - I was informed that I was to be in Indonesia on Monday. Boy was I pissed. And then after talking my parents, they were not happy about me being a single travelling to such place. Anyways... phone call to both the dick head and the head of the dept - turned out to be negative and both giving the same crap answer.
And the worse part of all dickhead only called at 10pm on sunday when he had friday nite and sat full day and sunday full day to call me. That shows what a dickhead he is. He doesn't deserve to walk on planet earth as a human being.
Anyways, on monday I flew to Jakarta. They had a car waiting for me so all I had to do was to go to the taxi counter and look for my name. The taxi - the infamous one apparenlyt is called Silver bird. Seems like everyone keep telling me I should always take Silver Bird. Maybe its for safety and also that they won't con you hahaha. Maybe!
Training was duts. Nothing to gain. Waste of blinking time.
But.... one relevation during this trip was that Jakarta had better malls then here!!!!!! I went to Taman Anggerik mall and Plaza Senayan and also Plaza Senanggi - oh boy!!!!! I guess the people there if they are rich they are mighty rich. They all the branded stuff..... like nine west and althete foot. when you first look at it, it would seem like you're either overseas in some american mall or.... singapore mall.. minus the crowd of course. Cheezeeee... malaysia kalah teruk lah.....
I found a new craft too called pin art.. cool!!! i bought 2 back. obviously at the immigration I was asked to open my bag to be checked coz all the pins rite? They think I might bringing it to the plane and poke people. DUH.. checking in the bag lah!!!!
Thats all for now....
job front.. currently one still sucks but merdeka soon... as for the new one.... hopefully... the decision to be made is the right one....
Sunday, July 11, 2004
lost in the limbo land.
Is it wrong to just be who you are!? Can your friends accept you for who you are. Whether you're those who are lost in your own world or one who is lost in yourself - dont' know what to do about your life. I think people shouldn't critize others so much. Do they think they are perfect beings? Every individual is different. If everyone is exactly the same and think exactly the same - wouldn't we then be andriods?
Some people say, may say, you shouldn't just talk and say about things, you should do something about it. If only life was so easy. If life was just about black and white. If life is just about you and whatever decisions you make doesn't affect anyone else. But in reality thats not the case right? Everything you do, you are not the only person affected.
For instance, if I chose not to work anymore be a bum. I have to move back home and rely on my retired parents. How long can they take it? They will probably be worried to their wits about whats happening to this daughter of theirs. Do i want to bring this unnecessary torture to their life considering that my sis-in-law and my brother is going thru such hard times right now. I shouldn't just be a selfish toad and think only of myself.
But sometimes I think, Its my life, don't I have the choice to decide what i want to do. Don't I have the choice to choose whether i want to be a bum or not? Sigh... I guess i Do but not only my life will be affected.
I spoke to Azee lately, of course she and I both know that I have been in this depressive mood for years now. Some people think I am not doing anything about it. I have my ups and downs. AT times, life is just okay, somtimes I go thru such bad times, I can't even take it anymore. Those are the times, I wish I am dead. I really mean it. Yes, my life may not be as bad as some other people other out there. But to me its bad enough that I feel life is not worthwhile. I know I have to get out this. But I don't know the way out.
I realized over the years, I have lost the sense of who I am. Did I once knew who I was? I sometimes can't even hear my heart... i don't know what my heart tells me anymore. Its like I am lost. I think alot of people won't understand that. They will say snap out of it. I wish it was so easy. Its tough to get people to understand who you are. They just have their preconception of what and how things should be. How a person should be. Snap out of it ifyou're in depression or sad. I can understand now why some people wnat to end their lives. Coz they feel life is just a bleaaahh.. nothing to look forward to. Lost in a limbo land that no one has helped them to pull out and they don't know how to do it on their own. I hope i won't come to that state.
I once was so different. I remembered coming home from the states filled with energy and life. What happened in the last 8 years? I have yet to find out the root cause. I dont' know if I ever will. Yas my childhood friend tells me that she see me fighting within myself everyday. She said, when you're not settled internally, it will show out externally in reality like maybe all the troubles and problems i see. She believes I should not fight within me. Do what I like.. Hear what my heart tells me. But I don't hear it.. sometimes I wonder if its just the lunacy of my mind talking. I don't know anymore. Have you ever been in that state? Have you? Can you say you can snap out it just like that? (snap of the finger?)
Some people say, may say, you shouldn't just talk and say about things, you should do something about it. If only life was so easy. If life was just about black and white. If life is just about you and whatever decisions you make doesn't affect anyone else. But in reality thats not the case right? Everything you do, you are not the only person affected.
For instance, if I chose not to work anymore be a bum. I have to move back home and rely on my retired parents. How long can they take it? They will probably be worried to their wits about whats happening to this daughter of theirs. Do i want to bring this unnecessary torture to their life considering that my sis-in-law and my brother is going thru such hard times right now. I shouldn't just be a selfish toad and think only of myself.
But sometimes I think, Its my life, don't I have the choice to decide what i want to do. Don't I have the choice to choose whether i want to be a bum or not? Sigh... I guess i Do but not only my life will be affected.
I spoke to Azee lately, of course she and I both know that I have been in this depressive mood for years now. Some people think I am not doing anything about it. I have my ups and downs. AT times, life is just okay, somtimes I go thru such bad times, I can't even take it anymore. Those are the times, I wish I am dead. I really mean it. Yes, my life may not be as bad as some other people other out there. But to me its bad enough that I feel life is not worthwhile. I know I have to get out this. But I don't know the way out.
I realized over the years, I have lost the sense of who I am. Did I once knew who I was? I sometimes can't even hear my heart... i don't know what my heart tells me anymore. Its like I am lost. I think alot of people won't understand that. They will say snap out of it. I wish it was so easy. Its tough to get people to understand who you are. They just have their preconception of what and how things should be. How a person should be. Snap out of it ifyou're in depression or sad. I can understand now why some people wnat to end their lives. Coz they feel life is just a bleaaahh.. nothing to look forward to. Lost in a limbo land that no one has helped them to pull out and they don't know how to do it on their own. I hope i won't come to that state.
I once was so different. I remembered coming home from the states filled with energy and life. What happened in the last 8 years? I have yet to find out the root cause. I dont' know if I ever will. Yas my childhood friend tells me that she see me fighting within myself everyday. She said, when you're not settled internally, it will show out externally in reality like maybe all the troubles and problems i see. She believes I should not fight within me. Do what I like.. Hear what my heart tells me. But I don't hear it.. sometimes I wonder if its just the lunacy of my mind talking. I don't know anymore. Have you ever been in that state? Have you? Can you say you can snap out it just like that? (snap of the finger?)
Thursday, July 08, 2004
what next?
Dreadful week.
so given the cold shoulder and the very pally couple is making me sick to the pits. The senior guy lets calle him K and the dickhead boss lets call him D. Anyways.... K has been ratting behind our backs. Our here refers to the Junior and myself.
Anyways.... i can't wait to get out.
My sis-in-law is back from TA. She isn't feeling well. Last nite i was home, she now stays at my uncle's which is just next door so our rooms are like literally next to each other. I could hear her coughin the whole nite. I feel so sad for her. Each time I remember, I will say a prayer for her to get well. I really do not want her to die nor leave us. I believe she deserve a second chance in life. To see her children grow.... to grow old with mike.
That is what I want in life. I good man to live till death do us part. Is that so hard? A person who can stand my tantrums.. and such.
Maybe I am just seeking to find some solace from work which isn't working. Work is making me crawl up the wall.
Anyways... i am just going to keep going... and *!@#&(!*&@# the two screwed up fella.
so given the cold shoulder and the very pally couple is making me sick to the pits. The senior guy lets calle him K and the dickhead boss lets call him D. Anyways.... K has been ratting behind our backs. Our here refers to the Junior and myself.
Anyways.... i can't wait to get out.
My sis-in-law is back from TA. She isn't feeling well. Last nite i was home, she now stays at my uncle's which is just next door so our rooms are like literally next to each other. I could hear her coughin the whole nite. I feel so sad for her. Each time I remember, I will say a prayer for her to get well. I really do not want her to die nor leave us. I believe she deserve a second chance in life. To see her children grow.... to grow old with mike.
That is what I want in life. I good man to live till death do us part. Is that so hard? A person who can stand my tantrums.. and such.
Maybe I am just seeking to find some solace from work which isn't working. Work is making me crawl up the wall.
Anyways... i am just going to keep going... and *!@#&(!*&@# the two screwed up fella.
Friday, July 02, 2004
All about choices aye?
So Belfong says its all about choices. Yeah but I have to live with the choice i made later on. I can leave sure why not. Anytime i can just write and print out the letter and go. But after that what? WHAT?
That's the FEAR! I guess people who have jobs they love won't have this worry.
ITs all about uncertainty..
I went for an int yesterday. GWiloo interview one wor. So different ... He even suggested working from hom.... if safety is my concern about working late Which is absolutely great! I hope i have a chance in getting the deal. But there is a second interview.
You know, a friend picked me up from the LRT station yesterday for the int. And he saw me he said why you still so happy when you job sucks and you plan to leave without another job. I told him,coz i already decided mah. If i can't take it I will just tender loh. HE said, sommore you can laugh. Then what am i suppose to do hor!?!??!!
sigh.... i guess a person reading would think i am a totally confused person.
Fong! did you read my reply to the very pally thingy?
where are you lah!?!?!?! can't chat with you liao.. :((((((
i miss all the chatting days... ARRRGH
its friday i don't have to go to work otmorrow but that poor freshie dba has to.. i pity him. And the senior guy was so blunt with him today. I mean how can he do that to another human being... Gosh.. what a fucked up person.
I know its just a matter of time before he screams at me too.
Life.....
So Fong! you're lucky in a lot of sense and your team too.
I was at the office till 8 but that freshie was still there!!!!!! and the manager has the guts to tell us to have a nice weekend in our faces when that poor guy was there.. thinking "WHAT NICE WEEEKEND?" I HAVE TO BLOODEEE WORK.
people just don't have mercy these days.
So fong when are we going to go to the thai whatever club thingy?
That's the FEAR! I guess people who have jobs they love won't have this worry.
ITs all about uncertainty..
I went for an int yesterday. GWiloo interview one wor. So different ... He even suggested working from hom.... if safety is my concern about working late Which is absolutely great! I hope i have a chance in getting the deal. But there is a second interview.
You know, a friend picked me up from the LRT station yesterday for the int. And he saw me he said why you still so happy when you job sucks and you plan to leave without another job. I told him,coz i already decided mah. If i can't take it I will just tender loh. HE said, sommore you can laugh. Then what am i suppose to do hor!?!??!!
sigh.... i guess a person reading would think i am a totally confused person.
Fong! did you read my reply to the very pally thingy?
where are you lah!?!?!?! can't chat with you liao.. :((((((
i miss all the chatting days... ARRRGH
its friday i don't have to go to work otmorrow but that poor freshie dba has to.. i pity him. And the senior guy was so blunt with him today. I mean how can he do that to another human being... Gosh.. what a fucked up person.
I know its just a matter of time before he screams at me too.
Life.....
So Fong! you're lucky in a lot of sense and your team too.
I was at the office till 8 but that freshie was still there!!!!!! and the manager has the guts to tell us to have a nice weekend in our faces when that poor guy was there.. thinking "WHAT NICE WEEEKEND?" I HAVE TO BLOODEEE WORK.
people just don't have mercy these days.
So fong when are we going to go to the thai whatever club thingy?
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